I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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