my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
