so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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