I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
