are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
