did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize