the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
