My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
