Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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