she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
