I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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