Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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