in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
