Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Found the puke drawer
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
