Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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