I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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