Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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