I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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