You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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