u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
