from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
