the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
