girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
