By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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