your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
