Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
