Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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