Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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