Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
