Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
