So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
