I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
