I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
