i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
