I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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