He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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