You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
