College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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