What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
