the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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