i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
