I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
