Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
