Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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