last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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