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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
