whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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