We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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