I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
