Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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