I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
