If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize