I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
