New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
