I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
