u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
