I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
