im holly from the hills drunk
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
