it wasn't lemon gatorade
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
