I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
