Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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