i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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