Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
