i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
