True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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