He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The power of my boobs compel you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
