Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The adults are the big ones right?
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