she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
