I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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