dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
