I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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