I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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