Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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