Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
